Channyn is my name,

and I pray. You know the rest, long and hard, like crying and fighting.  And of course the, my mother always said part, (though, I don't remember Mom saying too much about praying).   Seriously, I've been thinking a lot lately about faith.
I've had a long spiritual journey.  I grew up Catholic, first communion and all.  Later, not sure if you knew this mom, but I was one of the founding members to a Christian group in my high school (I even fought to get our group picture in the yearbook).  And, as life got infinitely more complicated, I began to think that God wasn't for me.  I felt abandoned with loss, an abusive marriage, and clearly, from all that I have been told, God did not like lesbians.  I was (am) torn.  

As a Christian, I could not be a lesbian.  And now, as a lesbian, I cannot be a Christian.  I am torn between two worlds, not fully accepted in either, so, it has been easy for me not to talk about it much.  I'm sure I'm not the only one out there that wrestles with belief, and purpose, and yes, about God and getting into heaven.  I surely don't know all the answers, but I thought that this view was worth sharing.